Lilies and Sparrows

Where to begin? This chapter of my life has been eye opening, heart wrenching at times. Where is my faith? Do I have any? These are wonderful questions that I have been afraid to ask myself. Fearful of the truth I would find in my heart yet the Lord beckons that I ask Him to search my heart for any offensive way in me. Examine me, God, and know my heart; test me, and know my thoughts.   See if there is in me any hurtful way, and lead me along the eternal way.    Psalm 139:23-24 As COVID 19 grew in the United States, the thoughts in my mind were that this couldn't be real and that I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare back in the 'normal' world. Nothing about our world was normal, though we had all gotten used to it. The riots of Black Lives Matter created more hostility and confusion to communities when in reality all lives matter. (John 3:16) The blatant LBGTQ agenda growing increasingly in the media. I was frustrated that I would have to change m...

If you’re a new mother like myself you may have been dealing with “baby blues” which is another term for postpartum depression. Scary thoughts, d oubts, worries, self absorption, self denial and a new sense of responsibility are all very real. This wa s totally not MY ideal picture of motherhood but there is something DEEPER happening in this new chapter of life. Depression can take us deeper into self loathing and self focus and there is  only  antidote. It isn’t “You can do it, just try harder!”; motivational self talk. It’s not getting lost in a bowl of ice cream or candy and zoning out before a movie or social media. It isn’t going on a shopping spree. It’s also not obsessing on feelings and blaming God, the world, our husbands a nd our children for where we are in life. No, it is time to sit before the Throne of Grace like God calls us to (Hebrew 4:16). I opened my Bible to Psalm 119 and began reading aloud to myself the ancient but living words (Hebr...